Dark musings


Well, I finally got Covid.

I haven’t gotten all the way through it, yet, but I’ve experienced enough of it that I think I have the basic idea and feel ready to write a review.

Covid is a totally slapdash, ill-conceived, feature heap of an illness.

There is no cohesion to it. It is just a stupid, random sequence of torments.

“Let’s make his skin hurt. No, wait, how about body aches? Wait, wait, let’s make his ears ring. Throw some flaming headache in there. How about dulling his taste? Ok, let’s do that. But what about his guts? Shouldn’t we make things go horribly wrong there for at least an hour? Yeah, sure, why not? But don’t forget about exhaustion — he needs to be really, really tired. Let’s keep him tired. Oh crap. Almost forgot. Aren’t we known for being a respiratory condition? Don’t we need to make him cough, just to maintain brand consistency? Naw, make his nose run. And profuse sweat, how about that? And chills, probably. Yeah, chills. No wait, we’re sick of chills. Overheat him, now. Eh, I liked chills better. Add back the chills, and torque up the aches.”

Don’t get me wrong, Covid is doing a solid job of making me feel like total crap. But that doesn’t even begin to make up for the garbage design of this disease. It is like Covid is making it up as it goes along. It clearly has no plan, or even a guiding theme.

I hope it was produced by human beings in a lab, because if it wasn’t, nature totally jumped the shark on this one.

1.5 Stars

2 replies on “Covid”

Aw, c’mon… you can’t give another half a star for this lab made weapon that targets each host with different, random indignities? Utter inconsistency of this kind MUST be made made.

I, like the previous reviewer, have had the pleasure of an interaction with one of the many branches of the covid enterprise. This weekend I have had the chance to stay at the elite covid wellness retreat, indeed, I am still there as we speak, availing myself of its many wonders.

Day 1: every now and again one must take some time out of work for self-care. Day 1 includes a strict weight loss program of puking up anything you attempt to ingest. And think of all the calories you burn writhing around in your bed unable to get comfortable, and as the previous reviewer remarked, vacillating between the feeling of being in a sauna and an ice bath at breakneck speed.

Day 2 is time to slow down, taking a vow of silence brought on by a terrible bronchitis. This day is all about being still and patient as you feel pain and discomfort everywhere.

Day 3 is still ahead, we shall see what the dawn brings. I wait with baited breath, err, shortness of breath.

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