Category: Apple atrocities

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Apple atrocities Dark musings

All ten-digit numbers are phone numbers

According to Apple ten-digit numbers are phone numbers.

For that reason, whenever I select a ten-digit number on my iPad, it helpfully insists that I do one of two things: 1) dial that ten-digit number on my iPad, or 2) cancel that call.

If I want to do something strange — for instance, copy that number in order to paste it somewhere — this iPad Pro is at a complete loss. Apparently, that is a use case nobody in that big glass doughnut anticipated.

More and more I am noting the hard-coding of anticipations into our lives.

When I select some text, my device tries to anticipate what I might want to do with that text and tries to anticipate what someone like me with probable intentions they would have would probably want to do next, and it makes it effortless to do it, but also forces me to work harder to do anything else.

When I’m writing AI tries to anticipate the next word someone saying a sentence like the one I am saying will say next, and it basically feeds me the most likely and least unexpected next word. It is already hard enough to think against the grain of one’s time, but now we are electronically prodded toward conventionality word-by-word in real time as we try to express the thoughts we are trying to have. Gently, but incessantly, we are bent toward rethought.

And recommendation engines have replaced serendipity with engineered epiphany. Where pure chance juxtapositions sparked originality in the minds of imaginative interpreters, now most juxtapositions are algorithmically-generated merchandising, designed to fabricate a spark of inspiration that will compel the desired purchase behavior.

And news stories, of course, are fed to us according to our ideological taste, which is the same taste as those like us. And by “those like us” I mean those who have been subjected to the same ideological molding process we have, who now not only believe the same facts we have, but have been intellectually pattered to reason along the same lines by the same sociological and psychological theories, and emotionally conditioned to feel the same responses to the same moral categories. And if something does not match the fact-set, reason-process and emotion-response patterns, “I can’t understand why.” “It does not make sense.” This auto-argument-by-incredulity is the error handling routine encoded into this populace.

The more we go along with what is suggested and accept the conveniences offered to us, the more our minds are intricately patterned for conformity. We automatically notice (and ignore) the things everyone else notices (snd ignores), think them through using the same logic, and come to the same conclusions everyone around us has reached.

I guess what I am really trying to say is that users should always have the option to copy a string of characters, even a ten-digit string of numbers that looks like a phone number.

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Apple atrocities

Paste Without Formatting

Please pardon the uncharacteristically calm, respectful and positive tone of this post. The text below is a feature request I left on the Apple forum. I want to persuade them, and rumor has it that you catch more flies with honey than with boiling vitriol, my normal liquid of choice.

iOS Mail badly needs a “Paste Without Formatting” feature.

Currently, Mail lacks any convenient way to get pasted text into the default format. To get it to match, a user has to drill down into the formatting features and manually set them. I don’t even know what manual settings to choose to prevent the pasted text from looking weird.

A general point: I don’t know if I’m typical, but 99% of the time I wanted pasted text to match the formatting of any text I’m editing, whether email, word processing document, blog, or social media post. But with very few exceptions, I have to work against the UI to get this to happen. For whatever reason, the product management world seems to believe users want to paste with formatting most of the time. It seems to me that in most cases in most apps “Paste Without Formatting” would be the better default, and that “Paste With Formatting” should be the manually chosen option. Am I wrong?

I had all kinds of headaches when I accidentally pasted the text above with formatting, requiring me to undo the action on this massive iPad. And, of course, that means grasping the device with both hands and heaving it back and forth using the strength of my entire upper body, because the dipshits over at WordPress only provide “Shake to Undo” on their incredibly shitty and rapidly deteriorating iOS app.

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Apple atrocities Dark musings Fuck you, Adobe TurdPress

Software on fire

I’m having a tough morning.

Last night I realized that a bunch of the contacts on my iPad that I thought had been added to iCloud were actually living in my Google contacts. I wanted all my contacts to live in one place.

So I dragged each of contact over into iCloud. After confirming each contact was, in fact, now living in iCloud, I deleting it from Google. Then I disabled the Google account. I had to do this because whenever you add a contact to Apple Contacts, the app gives no indication of where it is going. Nor does the contact view indicate where the contact is stored. Apple’s designers apparently believed this was irrelevant information, and decided to reduce cognitive load by not showing it. Back when “it just works” was a true marketing slogan, this kind of opacity was welcome simplicity. But now that things often do not work, it provokes anxiety. It is impossible to relax and trust that no news is good news. So even though I took pains to avoid mistakes, I was apprehensive.

And sure enough, this morning I discovered that the contacts I moved are all gone. They did not stay in iCloud, where they appeared to be last night.

I don’t know what happened.

I rarely know, anymore. I just know this is typical and that there is nothing I can do to make things better. It used to not be this way. These things used to work and now they don’t.

I have the same kind of problem with WordPress. I used to love using it. Now every single day, without fail, I’m trying to write something and something just idiotic happens, and trying to resolve the idiocy makes me forget what I was writing.

Today, for instance, I was trying to make one word in a block quote italic. I selected the word and tried to italicize it. When I hit the little italic I button, the entire text block selected itself and became italicized. Another problem is cursor placement. You place the cursor where you want to type. When you start typing, however, the letters appear on the line above. It is distracting and infuriating. And these are just a few of innumerable problems.

In all these cases, I just want to tell the company how frustrating it is that their entire design system is broken. The problem is not just isolated to that one usability issue, but rather, someone has treated the design system as a massive bundle of use cases instead of a design system.

The help desk is not trained for these kinds of complaints. They are trained to walk users through features they do not understand. They cannot take interaction design feedback. Least of are they equipped to take general UI design system feedback.

If 911 operators were trained like software help desk agents, here is how a “my house is on fire” call would go.

Agent: “This 911 emergency services. Thank you for your call. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Help! My house is on fire!”

Agent: “Ok, I understand. Your house is on fire. Can you help me understand specifically what in your house is on fire?”

Caller: “The whole house is in flames! Help!”

Agent: “It sounds like many things in your house are on fire. Let’s walk through the specific items that are burning. When did you first notice flames in your home?”

Caller: “It isn’t just things inside my house that are on fire. I’m telling you, the entire house is burning to the ground. Can you send a fire engine, please?”

Agent: “I am happy to transfer you to someone who can talk to you about your house, which I understand is on fire. Please hold.”

Robotic Voice: “Thank you for waiting. Your call is very important to us. This is why we understaff our call center to save money. Estimated wait time: 37 minutes.”

 

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Caller: “Hello…? …HELLO???”

 

So much established software that won market dominance through its superior user experience — has now become complacent in its dominance and allowed itself to decay into profound brokenness. No competitors have emerged to compete with them on user experience, because users — whole industries — are locked in.

I really miss being able to just use my software and being absorbed in my work. Now, invariably, I am interrupted and distracted by bugs, usability issues, unexpected UX “improvements” that require me to relearn stuff, and just trying to get the software to do what I am trying to get it to do.

And there seems to be nothing to do or say about it. These companies are just big, blank, subscription-sucking machines with nobody at home but ambitious young product managers. It would be better nobody were home.

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Apple atrocities

iCludge

Apple really ought to admit to itself that its so-called iCloud is not even approaching the cloud computing ideal and design to the reality of its technological limitations.

What do I mean by the cloud computing ideal? I mean that your files are simply available everywhere, simultaneously on any device.

iCloud very dramatically fails to achieve this effect. Its technological operations are front-and-center. It is painfully obvious that files are being synchronized across devices, and that the user must wait for the synchronization operation to complete before the files from one device are transferred to the new one.

This synchronizing files model requires a different kind of user experience design than a true cloud computing model, which permits a featureless simplicity. The process happens so invisibly and reliably that there’s no question of availability of data or files, or whether the available data or files is the most current.

Syncing, however, requires visibility and control so users know what going and and can do something about it. Because with syncing there is an obvious temporary discrepancy between what a user sees on one device and another. This is most certainly the user experience of “iCloud”. A user moving across devices must patiently wait for files, photos, contacts, etc. to appear, and there is absolutely no way to see what’s going on. You just have to wait and wait and wait and hope there isn’t another damn glitch requiring you to sign out and sign back into your iCloud account on one or both of the possibly malfunctioning devices.

But Apple seems to think its Jobsian Reality Distortion Field is still operational. It thinks that if it keeps pretending its botched syncing is a magically simple cloud experience — if it sings out “ta da!” insistently enough — its cult of uncritical boneheads will just believe what Apple wants them to believe. And you know what? Apple is 100% correct.

But I do not believe. I do not believe because I notice things and think about them. That is what smart people do. Stupid people copy the thoughts of people they think are smart, and then stupidly imagine that copying smart person thoughts makes them smart.

If, God forbid, I were the product manager of iCloud, I’d drop all pretense of cloud computing.

First, I’d rename the product iSync, to avoid accusations of false advertising. Just kidding: there are no such accusations. I’d rename it out of shame.

And then I would give users visibility into synchronization progress and manual control over the synchronization, similar to what Google Drive provides (except, of course, I would use UX best practices and do the design work right, instead of letting my tech team mangle the j0b, and consequently subjecting users to frustration and confusion, and then trying to unmangle the mangledness in real-time, creating yet more frustration and confusion, in the manner prescribed by Eric Ries — an approach that seems absolutely logical if you happen to be a typical omniscient techie sociopath who thinks “experience” is a glitzy synonym for “user interface”). That’s right: I’d have a damn progress bar with some info on what files are syncing, along with some kind of time estimate. And there’d be a nice fat “Sync” button on every screen, if only to function like a cross walk button placebo. The machine is listening and at least pretending to respond to my incessant button poking.

Then I would re-hire Scott Forstall, revert iOS to version 6 and try to pretend the last decade of iOS never happened. And anyone heard saying the word “skeuomorphism” in the halls of the Apple’s headquarters would be tased and ejected from the glass bagel into the artificial wilderness of Cupertino.

Happy New Year.

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Apple atrocities

iPad widget fail

Here’s me trying to arrange widgets on my iPad.

What I want to do is put the battery widget on the left, then the calendar widget in the middle, and the reminders widget on the right.

What the iPad wants is anything but that.

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Apple atrocities

Pasting with formatting

Why is the default paste on nearly every application “paste with formatting”? Is that really what most users want most of the time?

Has anyone even looked into it? From all appearances nobody has. Every app has “paste with formatting” as the default, and has created its own unique, complicated and counterintuitive multi-key combo to get “paste without formatting”. Since it is different in every app we never learn it. We use the menu, or develop awkward workarounds to shed the formatting.

But somehow worse than this is Apple’s implementation in Mail on iOS. Get a load of this: there is no paste without formatting option at all. There is no “remove formatting” or “set to default” option, either. The normal formatting of the email must be manually applied, parameter by parameter.

So imagine a scenario where a very bitter user named Stephen sees a headline on a website set in 72 point Jackass Sans Bold Italic from one of those eye-destroying light-on-dark night formats every design lemming in the world decided en masse to make the norm. If this angry little Stephen person tries to copy this headline and paste it into an email to the last person on earth willing to listen to his bilious spew, he will have to first find and select the white text he just pasted, which is completely invisible against the white background of the email, then manually reformat it to match the typeface and size the rest of the email is set in, whatever that is.

Let’s just hope this Stephen guy has a blog dedicated to shit design where he can vent his fury. When bad design is your muse, your inspiration will heave forth endlessly.

Moral: Always, always, always offer “paste without formatting”, and maybe even consider making that the default. Just because every other designer is doing something, that doesn’t mean it is the smart thing to do. I swear, designers are some of the most conformist innovators you’ll ever meet.